Thailand

IHTFP. Next time I want a similar experience, I'll do the following:

- Burn a few thousand dollars
- Write "Long Live The King" in yellow on everything and everyone I see.
- Hire a bunch of homeless to approach me every 30 seconds and ask "where you go?"
- Find some leaded gas, put it into my car, attach a hose to the exhaust and breathe from it for 3 weeks
- Install a toilet in the garage and shower over it
- Buy some Thai food from the dirtiest place I can find and let it sit for a few days. Eat it when it turns rancid. For full experience the staff should be trained to bring food that I didn't order, 45 minutes after I didn't order it, and after a 3rd inquiry about the status of my food.
- Try to book a nice hotel for a reasonable price only to discover, upon arrival, that i've booked a crappy hotel at a high price, and a nice hotel is much more expensive -- they just happen to share a phone number and their staff doesn't identify which hotel you're booking with.
- Remove the words "sorry" and "mistake" from the dictionary.
- Try to resolve the same situation by conversing with said staff, preferrably in a language they don't understand.
- Hire a tour guide with English skills of a 3rd grader to show me 3 million buddhas in 10 buddhapositories. Make me walk barefoot on dirty concrete every 15 minutes. For bonus points the guide should tell me about as many superstitions as possible. And praise The Great Foofoo if the number of superstitions is not an integer multiple of 7 -- bad luck for 100 years.
- Eat by the dumpster. Then by the sewer.
- Walk around in the sewer system for that exquisite smell.
- Hire 2 people in business suits to write down my name on a piece of paper and make me wait 20 minutes before letting me into a cab (to simulate the experience of Chiang Mai airport)
- Hire some people with little children. Park my car on Van Ness, and put the people with children in the back seat. Turn the egine on and try to sleep for about 27 hours.
- Go to the cheapest strip joint possible, and watch old man hang out with young, but very unattractive, woman-looking persons.
- Ask a used car salesman to explain business ethics to me
- Tell other people what a wonderful experience I had so they all get to try it for themselves.